I realize a mother of four saying she's tired is about as newsworthy and shocking as the latest poll results. ("Obama's in the lead still? You don't say!")
But this tiredness isn't the day-to-day variety. It's deeper. I feel it in my bones. I'm not just tired, I'm weary. Wrung out. Spent.
I told a friend recently that being a stay-at-home mom to young kids must be like running a marathon. There are days when I glance to my side and see breathtaking scenes around me, and I feel my legs pumping, and everything is in a rhythm and I think, "Yes! This! This is what I was made for! I'm fulfilled here! I could run forever! I love this!"
And then there are other days, especially lately, when I feel the length of the race and I stagger and stumble and, even though the scenery is just as amazing, and in my deepest heart, I know I will miss running this race when it is over, I am too exhausted to care much.
I just want a break.
I have been a SAHM for more than a decade now. Eleven years I've been at home with little ones, wiping bums and giving baths, cutting apples and playing Legos. I have savored giggles and laughed at spilled milk (because, really, what else are you doing to do?) and I have wallowed in the blessing of it. God has heard my daily prayer, as it sloshes out of the overflow of my heart. "Thank you, Lord. Thank you. Thank you."
But thankfulness doesn't negate fatigue. I suppose a certain amount of weariness is to be expected in this broken world. Unlimited energy and creative drive is our future, not our present.
So I will continue to run this race. I only have a few miles left, and yes, I know after this one I will start a different race, that of being a mom to school-aged kids and teenagers, but that's a different race for a different season and right now, I need to keep focus here. Today, and tomorrow, and this week, and I will daily seek patience and endurance and joy.
Because an exhilarating finish deserves nothing less.
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