I am tired.

I realize a mother of four saying she's tired is about as newsworthy and shocking as the latest poll results. ("Obama's in the lead still? You don't say!")

But this tiredness isn't the day-to-day variety. It's deeper. I feel it in my bones. I'm not just tired, I'm weary. Wrung out. Spent.

I told a friend recently that being a stay-at-home mom to young kids must be like running a marathon. There are days when I glance to my side and see breathtaking scenes around me, and I feel my legs pumping, and everything is in a rhythm and I think, "Yes! This! This is what I was made for! I'm fulfilled here! I could run forever! I love this!"

And then there are other days, especially lately, when I feel the length of the race and I stagger and stumble and, even though the scenery is just as amazing, and in my deepest heart, I know I will miss running this race when it is over, I am too exhausted to care much.

I just want a break.

I have been a SAHM for more than a decade now. Eleven years I've been at home with little ones, wiping bums and giving baths, cutting apples and playing Legos. I have savored giggles and laughed at spilled milk (because, really, what else are you doing to do?) and I have wallowed in the blessing of it. God has heard my daily prayer, as it sloshes out of the overflow of my heart. "Thank you, Lord. Thank you. Thank you."

But thankfulness doesn't negate fatigue. I suppose a certain amount of weariness is to be expected in this broken world. Unlimited energy and creative drive is our future, not our present.

So I will continue to run this race. I only have a few miles left, and yes, I know after this one I will start a different race, that of being a mom to school-aged kids and teenagers, but that's a different race for a different season and right now, I need to keep focus here. Today, and tomorrow, and this week, and I will daily seek patience and endurance and joy.

Especially joy.

Because an exhilarating finish deserves nothing less.

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  1. I SO get the tiredness. I felt it for more years than I can remember (which is probably why I don't remember much from those years). Hang in there, Kelly. The race really heats up in the next stage, you run so much faster, and the results are so worth it all.

  2. So much of life is a marathon...and it's SO hard, but SO rewarding. Thanks for the reminder that it's all about the finish! XO!

  3. An other reason to keep running? Other mamas looking up ahead and saying "O, look! Kelly's up there! If she can do it, I can do it!"


  4. Yes. YES. It's been a rough few weeks here. And you know what makes me feel like the absolute worst mother ever? When the husband says, "You've really been snapping at her today." Weary is the perfect word for it.

  5. Devon often complains about wrapping up a contracting job, "It just feels like it drags on (3 mo. max) and it's hard to keep going." In which I respond, "My job has been going on for 18 years and I never see progress. The laundry is still here, the dishes still piled...I never seem to get ahead." Hang in there friend! It's worth it.

  6. Oh, I hear you. I have felt this weariness, too!