But the other day, as I cleaned crumbs off the kitchen floor (again) and put away the milk (again) and asked Connor to pick up his Legos (again), I thought to myself: Man, life is schooling me lately. I can barely keep up.
And it's true. Life just keeps coming. It's wave after relentless wave. Dinner. Bedtime. Laundry. Grocery shopping. Menu planning. Detangling Teyla's hair. School drop-off. School pick-up. Lunch. Dishes.
I'm not drowning. The past few years, I've simplified in big and small ways. No one is involved in a ton of outside activities. I only have two church commitments a month. We aren't navigating a crisis. I can stay afloat on these waves.
I just can't make much headway.
And that leaves me feeling a little silly, to be honest. There are days I glance at my mostly empty calendar and think, "Girl! You do NOTHING outside of the home. Why are you so tired?" And I have no solid answer, nothing that seems to hold water. I mean, I know woman who work full-time jobs in addition to raising children. I know women who have double the number of kids that I do. I know woman who blog daily (actually, I know dozens of you) who also manage to write books and attend conferences and do good and generally dazzle me.
If that's you, let me be clear: You amaze me.
Because I am exhausted just keeping the plates spinning here, in my little world. To be clear: I am happy and at peace. You might even say, I'm fulfilled. I'm not hurried or running crazy or fried crispy. I feel like God has taught me how to have margin, and it's a wonderful thing to have space to enjoy my life, instead of endure it.
But even with margin, my pages are full. Every drop of energy I have is used up by 9:00 PM. (And those are the days Corey is home. When he's traveling, I'm done by 5:00.)
Maybe I'll have more freedom as the kids get older. Maybe I'll have more energy as the warm weather returns. Maybe I'll have more dreams as God gives them.
For now, I'm just here, kicking and laughing and spitting out seawater from the occasional wave that slaps me in the face. Keeping it together, trying to stay afloat.
Anyone with me?