Is it still a reunion if you never unioned in the first place?

It feels really mean to tell a person who may have endured high school algebra with you that you don’t want to have any contact with people from your graduating class.

But I did it anyway.

Seems my high school’s 20th reunion is this summer. Up until now, I’ve managed to stay under the radar of the class committee. I’m not sure how, exactly, especially since our move back to the Twin Cities three years ago put me within 10 miles of my alma mater. I suspect one of my sibling’s Facebook profiles turned me in. (Dang you, Facebook and all your twisted levels of privacy controls.)

Either way, my classmates found me. And I’m annoyed. Part of my reason for staying hidden is that I only went to my graduating high school for two years. It was a big school -- more than 500 in my class -- and I didn’t make any long-lasting friends.

(I also went to college full-time my senior year thanks to Minnesota’s wonderful post-secondary option program. Which meant I showed up for high school graduation after not attending a single class at my high school all year. My fellow classmates, the few who knew me, said things like, “Dude! Where have you been?”

Meaningful relationships. Happy memories. Good times.)

And then there’s this: I graduated high school in 1990. (I know! My math skills are amazing!) We were barely out of the ‘80s, a decade that was known for glorifying greed and illicit pleasures. (The seniors in ’88 had a chant for pep rallies: “Drugs are fun. Sex is great. We’re the class of ’88!” No joke.)

(I apologize for my love of parentheses. If it makes you feel better, I really do talk this way in real life. Tangent city. But while I chase many rabbit trails, I usually end up back on the hunt eventually.)

(Where was I? Oh yes. The 80s.)

Apparently, my class will spend its reunion partying as if its 1989. The e-mail I got yesterday about the reunion said (and, a la Dave Barry, I am not making this up):
To incent folks to get there early, we will start with some hosted beer and wine. Current plan is about 20 bottles of wine and 2 kegs of hosted booze.
Don’t pre-party elsewhere, post-party elsewhere. Arrive at the event on the earlier side so that the committee doesn’t consume all the hosted alcohol.
As a way to set the mood, we will have pictures from past and present on a slide show at the reunion. Would love a picture of you over the past 20 years. Do you have a monumental picture where you met President Clinton, scaled Mount Everest, or perhaps spent time in a Turkish prison?
(OK. So that last one was funny. But still.)

At first, I thought I’d just ignore the email and move on with my life. But then I wondered if my classmates might publish a directory of contact information with my email address in it. I like my anonymity. I can contact anyone I wish through Facebook. So I politely asked the organizer to remove my name from the list.

“And never, never contact me again! High school was boring! I don’t want to relive it!”

(I didn’t really say that. The Minnesota Nice Angel sat on my shoulder and made me delete it and say, “Thanks for removing me. Have a nice day.” Darn Minnesota Nice Angel.)

But I’m still shuddering a little. Reunions like this just creep me out. (To put it in perspective, I loved my years in college, but I don't do homecoming there either. Too much living in the past for me.)

Am I alone in this?


  1. Nope. You're not alone in this. I even when to the same school from 4th grade through graduation (and went to college after my senior year!)...and I still chose not to go to my 20 year reunion.
    They found my via the twisted FB privacy controls, too. Freaked me right on out since I don't use my maiden name on FB! Anyway, I keep up with the people I WANT TO keep up with, if ya know what I mean. And to the rest of you? I wish you the best, but don't care enough about you to invest in your life now.
    ...maybe if they'd invested in MY life 20 years ago, I'd be willing to invest in theirs now...
    I'm just saying. :o)
    However, with that being said, I have just spent 20 minutes scanning the photos posted from the reunion (this weekend), and I am feeling a bit left out.
    Hmmm...just like in high school. Nice.
    :o) In the long run, neither one of us will regret our decisions.

  2. That's hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh. Hopefully none of the "lurkers" here went to high school with you! :)

  3. MY high school mates are still kind of in contact through facebook. Sometimes we try to do reunion and I attended twice. However, on both times I felt left out and alone (nothing new since it was like that during highschool) so yeah probably I won't go again just knowing what's up on their side through facebook is more than enough

  4. Your reunion sounds horrible. I wouldn't want to go to that either.

    My high school is just down the street, so occasionally my husband and I run into people we knew. It's actually kind of embarrassing because they always remember my name and often tell me I made a big impact on them. And I usually don't even recognize them, let alone remember their name. I friended one old classmate on FB because I felt bad that he obviously knew me but he made so little impact on me that I have close to no memories of him. I mean, I KNOW we had classes together but beats me if I can remember him in them!

    My secret fear is discovering that I was really was that self-absorbed...

  5. One of the absolute best parts about being homeschooled is that I get to miss all the lameness of high school reunions. Living in a small town, I still knew most of what would have been my class, and aside from the one my sister married, I don't really care to spend time with any of them.

    Facebook and all its non-privacies and unspoken protocols is really starting to get under my skin. I asked myself yesterday if I was allowed to un-friend my cousin's ex-husband now that he's posted a picture of himself with his new girlfriend, or is that going to mark me as rude since nobody else in the family has? And what does it matter how many privacy locks I have on my profile if I have friends who are going to put pictures up that are free for the world to see?

    It's all very confusing. And slightly alarming. But at least I don't have to worry about a high school reunion.

  6. Oh you are SO not alone in this. I went to my 15th reunion many years ago with every good intention. I mingled. I sat for the class picture. I talked to people I didn't know. And then it came time for dinner. I walked over to a table full of people I was sort-of friends with (cheerleaders and football players) and asked if my husband and I could join them. One girl kind of raised her eyebrows at me and said, "Ah, yeah, those seats are taken." I looked around the room and the only other place left to sit was with the "burnouts" whom I didn't know AT ALL, so I looked at my husband and said, "Let's go." And we left. Before dinner. We went to a local restaurant where I sat and cried. Horrible.

    Our 30th is coming up next summer and they are already planning it, and somehow I got on their list. I don't want to go, but a couple of people keep begging me. I just don't know what I"m going to do about it. I hope I'm busy that weekend.

  7. And here I thought I was the only one! I've kept up with the ones I want to keep up with. I can think of maybe one person that I wonder about.

    Having said that, I've been surprised and pleased at connecting with a lot of my church youth group on FB. We were split into two high schools, and the group encompassed about 4 years of graduating seniors. That's the reunion I enjoy.

    Although it's kinda time-warpy: the last time I saw some of these folks was when we were 18 and now "they" are a bunch of gray 50-year-olds! LOL

  8. Umm, I should clarify that last sentence. They are gray-HAIRED. Saying they are gray makes them sound like they've been dead a week.

  9. Both hubs and I are united in this. "IF I wanted to keep up with you, I would have."
    I have one really good friend from high school and we still playdate together. The rest? I prefer to let my imagination decide what they look like now:)

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  11. Oh you are definitely not alone! Not sure that I can top your story of the chant for the class of '88, but I graduated in the class of '69 (I won't say more).

    So, if you do the math, it's been 41 years since I graduated, and I have yet to attend a reunion. I'm on the mailing list, but I just toss the invites into the trash without a second thought. If I start to feel "left out", I just remember how really left out I felt all during high school (I mean, my own cousin (who I grew up with) was one of the popular kids and didn't say one word to me during all four years of high school until the very last day of our senior year). Like others have said, if they didn't any time for me back in high school, then I don't have time for them now. And you know, it's really ok ... I prefer to spend my time with my friends and family ... people who I care about and who care about me. ;-)

  12. I went to my 10 and I will not be going to my 20th. I wrote a blog about it in 2005. It was pretty bad. The class president, after a few yelled out "The class of 1995 was the best class ever!" or something like that. Yeah. And that's when we left.

  13. Oh! Happy Geek nailed it. "If I wanted to keep up with you, I would have."

    I'm not trying to be cruel here and say my high school classmates were a bunch of idiots, because they weren't. And maybe I would care more if I had gone to the school for more than two years.

    High school wasn't miserable for me. It was just rather meaningless. Hence, the gigantic shrug at the thought of a reunion.

  14. No, you're definitely not alone in this. My 10yr reunion was last year. It was a small school ... I attended all 4yrs ... but I didn't make many lasting friends either. They're all friends with each other on FB and, at first, I had them on my FB page too .... then I realized that, just like high school, very few of them actually talked to me. So I took them all off. Actually, I just decided to go anonymous (no, not really because of that ... actually, not at all because of that ... but I am anonymous now LOL).

    I had no interest in attending the 10yr and I'll deny the 20yr one too if they still have my address and I'm still in the same place we're in now. Which is highly unlikely, since we're planning on moving in the next year or two lol

    I guess I'm not the only one who felt that way, though. The turnout was SO LOW that they almost canceled it altogether.

    {what did they expect? My class was like 75 people.}

  15. I was surprised to actually enjoy my 10th reunion. But I went to a small high school, and knew most of my class for most of my life. It was nice to move past some rotten high school-ness. And our reunion wasn't much of a drunk-fest (although maybe it was after I left, I don't know). I strongly disliked high school, but it was nice to reconnect with some people I'd missed. Never in my life thought I'd feel that way.

    The humorous highlight was a guy who was my nemesis throughout highschool, who kept introducing himself to people. He couldn't remember if he'd gone to school with the classmate or the spouse. Didn't remember a soul. And then walked up to me and said, "Hi, Sarah." We had a surprisingly lovely chat.

    But I agree - with that invitation I wouldn't have gone to yours either. Especially when you don't know anyone to begin with.

  16. Well, I started a Facebook page for my 20 year reunion, and 50 of my classmates have joined it so far. That's about 50% of my class. I went to school with the same group of people since pre-school, and played at their houses in the summer. I miss them like crazy and I can't wait to see them.

    However, I know you aren't alone. It's just that I'm from such a small town, I grew up with these people.

  17. But I do think it's hilarious that your class is having a kegger for the 20th reunion. (It's nice of them to throw in some wine for the more refined). (parenthesis)

  18. I couldn't give a bigger Amen. :) Oh. My. Word. I have absolutely NO DESIRE to relive those years on my own, in my head, or with a bunch of drunken people who used to pass me in the hallways. (And I went to school with a good bunch of them since kindergarten.) (...and I like parenthesis too!) (You need them to interject.)(often.)

  19. I haven't attended my high school reunions. Both times, I blamed scheduling conflicts. There really were conflicts, but I can't say I was broken hearted over missing them. In fact, I was relieved.

    I was never into that high school peppy/preppy/rah rah rah/kegger thing. I am still not into any of that.

  20. I didn't go to my 10-year high school reunion, and I'm not planning on going to my 15th or 20th. Like for you, high school wasn't miserable, I'm just not interested in re-living any part of it now. Facebook has been good for finding a few special friends that I'd lost touch with, but everyone else I just ignore!

  21. My 30th is this fall and I do plan on attending. Facebook has reunited me with people from my class, but we weren't friends in HS and we aren't now either. Most of them stayed in the same area after graduating. We had about 350 in our class, and I think less than 30 of us have RSVP'd for the reunion. I am already second guessing my decision to go. I'm not very outgoing (which made HS so much fun the first time around) and I'm already dreading being there with no one to talk to.

  22. I have a very small handful of people that I've kept in loose contact with over the years. Other than that, I've made my adult friends as an ADULT, really!

    And I live maybe 20 minutes away from the high school I went to and I STILL don't go to high school reunions!

  23. I thought I was the queen of parentheses!

    I didn't go to my 10 year last year at SLP. Of course living in a different state helps.

  24. Hilarious, and I can kind of relate. After spending 11 years homeschooled or in private school, I spent 1 year in the high school I graduated from — and part of that year was spent at Normandale in post-secondary. My best friend my senior year was an exchange student from Sweden (who barely knew anyone, either :)). So I sort of laugh at the idea of going to the reunions...everyone would be like "uh...who is SHE?"