A SAHM Moment: The Rest of the Story

So you want to know what I did?

As soon as I pulled into the garage, I grabbed Connor and Teyla out of the minivan. Ignoring the phone, I deposited the children in the kitchen and plied them with milk and Goldfish, so I could race upstairs to my computer and e-mail the directions Corey needed.

That done, I raced back downstairs to begin unloading the groceries. No sooner had I gotten to the garage than Corey called; I had sent the directions to the wrong e-mail account. I raced back upstairs (three flights, mind you) to forward the directions to the correct address.

I raced back downstairs and threw another handful of Goldfish on Teyla's highchair tray, which did not calm her fussy crescendo. That's when I remembered the stinky diaper. Grabbing the baby out of the highchair and doing the Mommy Flip, Pull and Look (don't give me that, you know exactly what I'm talking about), I saw a tiny tush that was the medical definition of inflamed.

I raced back upstairs and changed the diaper. (I'll skip the play by play here, but you should feel sorry for Teyla. She was writhing.)

"Mom? I'm done with my churro," called Connor.

I re-entered the kitchen. Why yes. Yes, he was done with his churro, if by done he meant mean he blew it up like a small bazooka scattering cinnamon sugar to the four corners of the linoleum. (Mental note: No more churros indoors. Like Popsicles, they are now an outside-only food.)

I scarfed down half of my tuna sandwich while I cleaned up the churro remains.

I was just starting to relax, when I jumped. THE GROCERIES!

I raced down to the garage, pulled out the bags, raced back upstairs and threw the veggies in the freezer. The flowers took a bit longer to handle, mostly because I've learned through experience to give the tulips a fresh cut UNDER WATER so no air bubbles get trapped in the stem, which can make the tulips droop.

With all my tasks completed, I put on a "Curious Buddies" DVD for Teyla, poured myself a glass of Trader Joe's pomegranate green tea and sat down to finish my sandwich.

But it was odd. I felt uncomfortable, like I had forgotten something.

It took me an hour to realize: I never did go to the bathroom.

Years of working in a newsroom, under deadline, has given me a bladder of steel. I had to learn to sit in the control booth for hours, if necessary, without pulling a potty break card. Breaking news -- wildfires, terrorists attacks, high-speed chases on the 5 -- waits for no pee-pee.

Who knew that would be a skill I would use as a stay-at-home mom?

Now if I could just find a child who appreciates it when I answer questions by saying, "More on that at 11."


  1. Hmmmm..."More on that at 11" - I think I've heard that before...

  2. Wow. The whole time I was reading this, I was thinking, "she didn't go to the bathroom!"

    I would have died. And I've already had The Surgery.

    But then, it's been an issue for me for years, even pre-childbirth. A friend told me in high school "When God said bladder, you thought he said ladder, and got in the tall line instead." (I'm 5'10". Or I was until I had my bone density test. It told me I'm now 5'9 1/2".)

    And no more on that. Even though my laptop says it's 11:00 pm.

  3. Ok, just have to say this little 2 part series..."the SAHM Moment" is CLASSIC. It's all too familiar. Surprising how funny I found it, though, when it was happening to someone else. :-)
    And who knew all that deadline/newsroom practice would give you a skill that translates so well into your new line of work?

  4. What moves! Superwoman! (Actually, you could be a teacher, too!_

  5. Wow, this was exciting! I had the theme song from Mission Impossible going through my head the whole time I read the post.

    And Scott never appreciated when he asked what was for dinner and I answered with, "Um...I give up, what?" Good audiences are hard to find.

  6. Mr. Love Well is funny.

    And so are you. Oh my, I love how you tell a story. I'm all giggly over here (and not just because of the weather, but because of this post.)

    It's so true. I never knew I wouldn't have time to take a bathroom break as a SAHM (I mean without playing peek-a-boo during said break). I guess my years in social work with people in mental health crisis were good practice for me too. No time for potty breaks and lots of practice putting out fires (so to speak)

  7. I too have a bladder of steel but it has nothing to do with the eleven o'clock news but everything to do with a dad who hated to stop when making the cross country trip from Texas to Alabama to the grandparents'.

    And The Rest of the Story? Oh, I've lived it. Been there. Done that. Over and over and over again. A day in the life of a SAHM! :-)

  8. Wow! You ARE good...I think I read that as fast as you were performing...I caught myself reading in "panic-multi-tasking" mode! Good stuff...very intriguing the way you turned an everyday event into a good read!

  9. ha! Through the whole thing, I kept thinking, "The bathroom? What about the bathroom?" I bow down, mama. You and your bladder of steel inspire me!

  10. Oh Kelly! How I've missed you. Thanks for getting my morning going with a good laugh.

    Two facts about me:
    1. I too, have a bladder of steel. Gary says it's one of the reasons he married me.

    2. I once played the part of a bladder in a play, where I recited the poem, "Ode to the Bladder." I know my coolness factor just went up a few notches, didn't it?!

  11. LOL. As a working and pumping mom, I find myself doing that somedays. I mean to go to the bathroom, but instead I wash out my bottles or coffee cup and then go back to my office. Or I need to pump. Or finish this project. Or check Twitter. And it's lunchtime and I realized I had to go the bathroom two hours ago.

  12. Bladder of Steel. Could that be your super hero power?

  13. *I am Woman hear me roar*!!! Multi tasking is my strength too! You go girl!

  14. I've often used the line, "AM I GONNA' END UP ON THE TEN O'CLOCK NEWS?"

    Yes, I'm all "scary" like that. Such threats.

    Loved this playback! The multi-tasking Mom. Is there any other kind of Mom?


  15. How can you still have a bladder of steel after 3 babies?

    I used to have one, due to being a teacher and being EXTREMELY germophobic. But now? Puh-lease.