Peace in the Pause

Should I tell you that I've eaten nothing but celery and dry, wheat bread today, to make reparations for last night's dinner?

I could.

But that would be a lie.

And I'm against lying, generally.

In reality, I've had hot Kashi with bananas, a big mug of coffee with toffee nut creamer, a handful of peanut butter M&Ms, a turkey sandwich and about 3 servings of Pringles. And it's only lunchtime.

Clearly, I'm not a big believer in penance.

What I neglected to tell you last night is why I consumed all that junk food yesterday. (Besides the fact that it tasted good, and I generally eat healthy, and sometimes one just has to indulge.)

For starters, Corey is on another business trip. So I'm single-parenting again. This is his 10th trip this year, and I'm starting to hit the wall.

Second, it's cloudy and cool here. Still. And it's June. When I want to swim. And the seven day forecast looks like this: rain, rain, cloudy, thunderstorms, rain, rain, suicide.

I would never survive in Seattle. I must have my sunshine, and right now, it's not happening.

Third, I had a bit of a mental flip-out yesterday.

I haven't talked about this much on the blog, but we own two homes right now. (We're practically the Trumps.) Our old home (left), which is beautiful and on a lake, has been on the market since November 2006. (That's not a typo.) It's in a small town, where the median-priced home is under $100,000. (If you live in California, I'm sorry you just fainted.) And our home? Well, we bought it when we moved back to the Midwest from San Diego. So while it's an average-priced normal home to us, it's considered "high end" in the small town where we lived.

So it sits. We try to leave it in God's hands, because He surely knows when the right buyers will come along. And most of the time, I have a great deal of peace about the situation.

But yesterday, the dam in my mind just broke loose.

Since it's the beginning of summer (which means "it's the season to move" in the Midwest), we've had quite a few families come and look at the house the last few weeks. I think my heart was growing quietly hopeful that the time had come.

Instead, our real estate agent called yesterday and said all interested parties are no longer interested. They don't think the house is worth the asking price, so we're back to square one.

Mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I lost it. Fear and worry trampled my heart and took it over, like the aliens do in one of those cheesy science-fiction movies with taglines like "It's a bad day to be human."

I was just consumed. Overwhelmed.

"What if the house never sells? What will happen to us when Corey switches jobs next time? How are we going to keep affording the double house payments? What if we are forced into foreclosure or lose all our savings over that silly house? What are we going to do? More specifically, what can I do to get a buyer right now?"

Of course, the answer to all of that is, "Be still and know that I am God."

Easier said than done, though, when your eyes are fixated on the situation and not on the Creator of the Universe.

I called a few friends and left urgent prayer requests on their answering machines. I talked to Corey (who was also wearing The Cloud of Despair), my sister, my Dad.

And I ate a kick-butt dinner with the kids at Culver's. (Also known as The Restaurant with the Blue Roof in our family. And for those of you who asked, yes, it's a northern Midwestern thing. We don't have In-n-Out, we don't have Chick-fil-A, we don't have Sonic, but gosh darn it, we have Culver's.)

Honestly, the relaxed pace, the kids laughter, and, yes, the sweet, creamy malt helped me to let it all go and leave it at the feet of my Savior.


For those of you who know my God, I covet your prayer in this area. Corey and I cannot make any plans for the future until that house sells. God is teaching us much in the waiting -- something neither one of us is good at, by the way -- and we always come back to His wisdom and His timing. But this waiting. It's hard. There are so many big decisions we'd like to make. But until that house sells, we're on pause.

Pray that we'll have peace and faith in the pause -- and then incredible joy when God presses play.


  1. I know your God :) He's pretty ginormous...and must have something really, really amazing planned for you guys.

    Praying for peace in the waiting...

  2. When I read this I was reminded of the Sunday School lesson we had this past Sunday. It was from Ps 62. Ps 62:5 says, "My soul, wait silently for God alone,For my expectation is from Him."
    I'll pray for you during this time of waiting!

  3. That's what happened and that's all you ate? You are clearly a woman of great faith, though, as I am prone to do myself, you may have forgotten it for a while yesterday. Praying for you and your family, when we are faithless, He remains faithful.

  4. Oh the can break a woman right down. Yes, it can. I will say a prayer and eat a hand full of chocolate chips on your behalf.

  5. I completely understand. I mentioned that we are selling our house. We also had it on the market last year. It is so frustrating and feels hopeless. When I learn some kind of lesson, then I think, "Ok. Was that it God? Was that what you wanted me to learn? So Sell The House!"

    I don't have any words of wisdom. I will be praying. It is so hard to be still.

  6. Thanks for sharing this so that I know how to pray specifically for you. And if you need me to mail you some Chick-Fil-A, well, I'll see what can be done.

  7. Oh girl, I'm so sorry. You DESERVE some Culver's.

    I'm freaking out about finances this week as well. I was just getting ready to post asking for prayers, too. I love this blogworld. Praying right now for peace AND a buyer.

  8. Praying for you, Kelly. And I understand where you're at right now....we're also going through some times that require peace beyond our understanding. We started a new business recently, and as someone who normally likes to have a huge emergencey fund in place, I'm freaking about because I don't know where July's house payment will come from.

    But He does. And that's all that matters.

  9. It's nice to know (sorry selfish thought there) that you struggle with waiting too. I have counseled many saying God has perfect timing and He will give you what you need when you need it but OH MY I have a hard time living that. Our prayers for your patience are with you and prayers praising God for the answer that I know He will bring that will glorify Him. Love you!

  10. That's rough. We owned two homes for about a month this year and it was quite nerve wracking. I can't imagine how hard it's been to wait that long. Have you tried having it professionally staged?

  11. My husband builds spec homes. We just recently sold his last house (he's decided just to do remodeling jobs until the market corrects).

    We were at the point where the construction loan would convert to a full-blown mortgage. We had increased the equity line on our house and were planning (much to my dismay) to put it on that to make the payments if we had to. And a profit? Well, we couldn't think about that. This house was in a county that had closed one transaction in 5 MONTHS. (Yes, the whole county!)

    We sold it, closed and all, one day after it converted to that full mortgage. There was some serious stress, much like you're experiencing now. But I know, and you know, that it's all part of God's plan for you, and He knows best.

    Praying for your time of waiting to be over soon :-)

  12. God knows the buyer. He will get them there at just the right time. We had two houses for a year once and it was tough. When the call came, it was exactly what we needed....not wanted....for the house. No big profits but we sure were glad to sell that house.

  13. Praying for peace in your home situation. That's tough to not hold tight to.

    I have a sign on my fridge that says:
    God is in control.

    We don't have Sonic... YET. Soon, we will. Have you heard about that?

  14. Well, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that a mid-sized home can actually be less than $100,000. Wow.

    Kelly, I'm sorry you felt overwhelmed yesterday. I understand though. Nothing puts that sinking feeling in my stomach quite like finances. Ugh.

    I will pray for your house to sell. And that maybe God will move you to Colorado. Wink, wink! :)

  15. Few things do I know, but one of them is that our God ALWAYS Loves Well. It's not His hope or prayer or goal, like it is for us, but rather WHO He is. Thank you for being authentic (and throwing in a sprinkle of humor here or there) - most of us are craving it and finding a companion along the "waiting" journey is a precious treasure.

  16. I feel your pain! I know how hard it can be to "Let go and let God" so I sympathize. You and your house are in my prayers! And malts always make everything better. It may not be in the Bible but it should be!

  17. I don't know about you but the weather yesterday afternoon cured a little of my cabin fever!
    I'll be praying with you. I struggle with the "letting go and letting God" especially in times of the area of finances. Thankfully He continues to bless and care for His children in spite of us! Be encouraged--your prayers, concerns and dreams are all heard and held. God will work this for good.

  18. A huge hug for you girl. Huge.

    (And we call Culver's 'the blue place.' )

  19. Well, I don't know you, but I thankfully know your God. So, I will ask Him to grant you His peace that is beyond our understanding. But, I'm also going to ask, that if it be His will, the house would sell very, very soon.

    Hang in there.

  20. We have our house for sale. We have a contract on a new place...that we had inspected...that just came back with some major flaws. Just when we think we have a buyer for this place. House selling/moving is so hard isn't it?
    But I take heart too because I know your God and we just have to be patient and let go sometimes. No matter how hard it is.
    I'm surprised you haven't eaten like that more often LOL!!
    I'll remember you guys in my prayers.

  21. Oh, honey. I will pray. That's so tough - and I know it's something so many people are dealing with right now, in light of the shady mortgage practices that've gotten people into homes they now can't afford (not you, I mean). Hang in there. I think a trip to Culver's was perfectly within your rights. Hugs - M

  22. Am I reading that right? You can't move to Colorado until that house sells? I'm on it.

  23. Oh my thoughts and prayers are with you--and it's a beautiful home, surely there'll be someone to come along and it will fit them just perfectly.

  24. yes, the weather is a real downer in our part of the country right now. Yoo hoo, summer? You can come now!

    Finances is always the big stressor, isn't it? Hateful. The verse just popped in to my head about how God clothes the lilies of the fields an such. I'll have to remember that for myself, as I'm moving at the end of the month and haven't found a place yet! Yikes!


  25. The patience is the hard part isn't it?
    The house looks lovely.
    It's not just Californians who would faint at those house prices. I'm telling DH to check out jobs down y'alls way:)
    We've always wanted to live on a lake!
    The citizenship thing-y would be the only hard part!

  26. "...peace and faith in the pause..." that is a great prayer. I didn't notice the title of your post and read happily along and slowly feeling more and more that God was using you to talk directly to me.

    We're in a different sort of pause. My husband has been waiting for six weeks to hear whether or not he will be hired for a great job. They keep dragging him along with reasons for the delay and we are rotating from peace to annoyance to indifference.

    I know six weeks is nothing like the years you've been waiting. But finding the beauty in waiting and resting instead of doing doesn't seem to come easily to us humans no matter the length of time.

    I'll pray we both keep our eyes on the God of mysteries.

  27. You have no idea how much the idea of Be Still has been on my mind. I'd been praying over that exact thing - because I'm a wiggler to say the least. Then I heard Kirk Franklin and Toby's 'I am God' which has the same exact theme. And now here, a triple affirmation.

    I am praying for you my friend. That your place sells just in time for what God has next. That what feels like limbo will be a great time of growing in faith.

    And trust me, there are worst things than being broke. :))

  28. Um, I am sitting here is DOWNPOURING rain in Seattle, and yes, fainting at the "average" house price being around $100,000.

    That won't even buy you a lot in my town...

  29. Hello, my sweet friend. I just happened to bounce over to your blog in a frantic effort to find out some news of our mutual friend who underwent surgery today (it's now 10:30 PM ET and I haven't heard anything)...please let me know if you do hear news, by the way. She has been heavy on my heart.

    And alas, I see you've had your own emotional crisis you've been undergoing. It pains to me to see dear friends going through difficult times (especially when I cannot be there WITH them to down a Culver's shake). I wish I could be there right now to sit on your couch, hold your hand, and walk with you into the Throne room (just like back in our Cali days). Instead, know that you are on my heart, and even now, I'm lifting up this daunting house situation to Our Compassionate CReator. May he give you peace in this pause. Love you...and miss you.

    P.S. I could drive some good ol' southern Chick-fil-a up from NC to comfort your Yankee soul, but it might not be warm by the time it gets to you. Actually, it just may not be there at all...I may get hungry on the trip. :-P

  30. Kelly,

    Your faith is awesome and so are God's plans for you. Thank you for speaking to me as well. In the midst of your turmoil, you are reaching out to others that need to hear His reasurrance. That in itself is an awesome place to be, being used by the Creator of the Universe.

    Prayers sent to heaven for you, Marny

  31. Praying for peace during God's "pause." I know waiting is hard to do ~ and God is teaching me through that process as well. I'll be praying that a buyer comes your way.

  32. My head is still hurting from when I passed out. -A socal blogger.

  33. This is the second blog today that has talked about fear and anxiety! Kick satan's butt out! He has no right to give you anything to fear!

  34. Soooo, your blog FINALLY came up all the way, and I have to ask...are your houses still standing? Because I'm seeing that Minnesota is getting all sorts of tornadoes.

    I don't think that's exactly the solution you are wanting though!

    Hang in there. God has a plan....

  35. Kelly, I'll be praying for you. My parents just sold their house after 2 long years...and it's the perfect buyer. I know that may not give you much comfort right now because your house is still on the market, but God will bring the right people at the right time. Mis you my friend!

  36. Southern transplant commiserating with you from Seattle. Where I am discovering there is no sun....ever. LOL! Seriously, it's been a very very dreary week....but the week we moved here was awesome...full of deep blue skies and white puffy clouds.
    It will happen again.... it must.
    I will pray for your housing situation. We've been there my friend and are still bruised from it 12 years later!
    And I'm with you! A totally inapporpriate amount of fat and calories covers a multitude of emotional downs.
    Hang in there!

  37. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I hope you are feeling better. Patience and waiting can be so hard!

  38. Another Ginnie here and another prayer said for peace and faith as you wait for God's solution to your situation.

  39. Oh girl, I'm praying. Even though you found some comfort in food (hey, we all do!) I can tell you have the right attitude and right heart, knowing that He has this all in His hands.


  40. Oh my, a lesson on patience. And your God knows what you need and when. We've been there before, not the same situation but ... it's hard to wait.
    Hang in there friend!

  41. Though I cannot relate to the length your house has been on the market...mine was ONLY on 19 months... I can relate to the struggle. I say "Only" as it doesn't compare with your length, but it seemed like an eternity to me. I remember my friend saying, "I've never seen a house that didn't sell, though I've seen some that took time to sell."

    I can look back now and see how perfect the timing was. I can also look back and see all that Papa was doing in me in the midst of the wait. We were still living in the house, all funds tied into it, our car slowly falling apart, my husband driving 2 hours each day for work...

    Things rose up to the surface, fears, questions, doubts, lies that I believed about Papa. They were all there. The feelings of abandonment and wondering if He cared. It was all there. He was coming for those things.

    It's hard waiting... It's just hard. But Papa wants to remove those lies, while we wait, that hold us back from knowing how deeply we are taken care of and loved.

    I feel your pain!

  42. I am praying for you, your family and that house situation. That town isn't so small. There is a Starbucks and all kinds of casual dining family restaurants. In the town I grew up in, which I still visit, does not have a Starbucks and I would have to drive 40 minutes for a decent casual dining restaurant. I think that house is a winner, the town is a winner, the lake is a winner and there is going to be one fortunate buyer.

  43. Posts like this make me mad when I miss out on a few days in blog land...but better late than never, right? Waiting in the pause is a hard place to be! I can't tell you how many times I've claimed Lam. 3:25 in the amplified version: "The Lord is good to those who wait hopefully and expectantly for Him, to those who seek Him [inquire of and for Him and require Him by right of necessity and on the authority of God's word]."

    Wait on Him, sister, hopefully and expectantly...and see that He is good!

  44. Have you heard this one: Karen from Hancock, Maryland couldn't sell her big farm house, so she decided to raffle it off, agreeing to give any money she received over the appraised value to charity. She sold each ticket for $100, selling 6000 tickets. She got 400k for her house and 200k went to charity.