I think I have a problem with the Internet. The first thing I do in the morning when I get up is turn on my laptop. I spend countless hours most days sitting in front of my screen, doing everything from reading news or commentary to checking my Bloglines account multiple times. I see my life through the lens of "what would make a good blog post." At dinner, I talk to my husband about the funny stories I've read online that day, and before I go to bed, I check my e-mail again.
It's not right.
And it's starting to take over.
I opened my journal last week (which I keep on my computer, since I type at lightening speed and my handwriting has evolved into a series of cramped, illegible marks on paper) and discovered -- to my horror -- that the last time I had journaled was May 9. And before that, April 15. And most of the journal entries in April were copies of posts I had written for this blog.
I was aghast. I started this blog because I love writing, it seemed like a good outlet for some creative energy, and I was impressed with the talent out there in the blogosphere.
But it's not an outlet right now. A better analogy would be a drain. It's become all-consuming, to the point where I'm not recording my personal thoughts and prayers to my God anymore. That can't continue.
So I think I'm going to take a bit of a blogging break for a few weeks and see if I can achieve some balance in my life. (Plus, we're getting ready to move in less than a month. I'm sure my world will be turned upside down for a while, making blogging more difficult.) That's not to say I won't be around. I might. I just don't want blogging (and/or reading posts, commenting on posts, or staying current with the news in every time zone) to consume me anymore. I want to play with my kids without running to my computer every 10 minutes. I want to wake up to my Bible instead of my laptop. I want to enjoy the last few days we have in this beautiful house -- and I want to write about all these things in my journal without feeling guilty that I haven't posted to my blog that day.
Most of all, I want my writing to be first and foremost for God, not for an audience -- no matter how wonderful that audience may be. Warren Wiersbe, a dear family friend, sent me this quote a number of years ago when we were corresponding about the writing life. I have never forgotten it.
If you write for God, you will reach many people and bring them joy.Right now, I write on my blog for people. I want it to be more than that.
If you write for people, you may make some money and you may give someone a little joy and you may make a noise in the world for a little while.
If you write for yourself, you can read what you yourself have written and after 10 minute, you will be so disgusted you will wish you were dead.
- Thomas Merton
See you soon dear friends.